It’s Strange How Everything Sucks So Much |2020

Perhaps I don’t understand what’s going on, or I am just completely unable to parse it. I feel like I’m a child sitting at the adult’s table and I shouldn’t be. I have spent a plethora of my life feeling like I’m a stranger in a strange land.

I guess this has a lot to do with my apathy levels and how they have very much taken over my life or created a variety of barriers to having any sort of forward-looking success.

I get to spend a lot of time in my head, I get to spend a lot of time trapped there. And, while this isn’t about a particular song, it reminds me very strongly of Iron Maiden’s Stranger In A Strange Land.

In some regards, the song’s theme very much echoes my own sentiments, but I’m fully aware that this wasn’t for more about me. Like, pfft.

That would be a lot of nonsense but there are a lot of core tenants to the song that really speaks to my situation, to the situation of many (like lots and lots).

Now the interesting thing about this particular song, Stranger In A Strange Land, is very specifically about the Franklin Expedition. Look it up, not my pervue here.

I think that this is turning to a minor commentary of the album “Somewhere In Time“.

As I’m writing about this, as an example, this isn’t about the song, which I would normally do. But no, this is about a bigger issue. It’s about loss.

Being lost, not being able to be found. There is a grave difference. And whether that is due to your intent or not, you are lost, it’s painfully clear. And having been lost, wandering about the proverbial desert for which I do live in, one can be lost.

Not to go on about Iron Maiden Somewhere In Time, which happens to be my favorite Iron Maiden album, perhaps Powerslave a very close second, there is an intertwining of the overall, the overarching theme.

Getting yourself lost in a person is one thing, losing yourself because… Because you are you and there is no cogent or reasonable rationale behind it, that’s where the problem is.

I feel lost and I don’t know how to fix it. I find that I often do not feel like I’m capable of making adult decisions yet I’m almost 50 years old. I have been single for almost 15 years and yet, I still struggle.

I know you can’t understand the tone and texture of what is being said, oh lord I know that one.

Being lost is not meant that one will be found, it’s just that nobody knows yet. I feel like that is part of the big theme in my life. It’s not just Sapphire, it’s not just trying to open people’s minds to dissolve the left-right paradigm, it is to think for yourself.