Crystal Gazing, it’s CRAZY | 2006

That’s my problem and I will deal with it accordingly. Yes, maybe I am crazy. But no amount of Crystal Gazing that I could have done would have predicted the crazy fate that was yet to come.

I find this to be unfathomable. It’s hard to swallow this. I thought I had some good friends. And as I would expect, it turns out I don’t.

Why do I think this? Well, lets start with what today is for me. It’s the one day of the year where no matter how hard I try, no matter how many pills I take, I can’t escape my mind.

I can’t escape the fact that it is a day that I hate now. Had I not been the insane person that I am, then it would be my 3rd anniversary. But, I am crazy.

I no longer consider that to be a debatable statement. I have tried to change those problems and in doing so, I have made great strides and will continue to better myself.

But alas, that is only part of the problem. It’s the lack of support that I have gotten from ANY of my friends that bothers me the most.

Well, the people I thought were my friends. It’s weak.

VERY. And obviously I’m not too pleased about it. I give and give and give, and I get nothing, ZERO nothing, in return.

That is weak. That is lame and that’s what I get for expecting people to hold the same values and morals that I do. I always try to be a better person, setting the expectations and examples for my friends.

I am always there for them, regardless of time or place. I answer my phone (unless I’m in the shower). I am will to go the extra mile to help the core of people I care about. And I don’t feel the same in return.

And thusly I resolve the following:

1. I’m cleaning house of those who aren’t worthy.
2. I will continue to better myself mentally to further move past some of the issues I have.
3. I will increase my inner strength even further. Without it, I will falter. With it I am a better man.
4. I’m going to rehab my knee further and get myself to the point where I am healthy and back where I belong … on the pitch.
5. I’m moving on from relationships that are _NOT_ going anywhere.
6. I’m finish my tattoo work with Jason. I don’t know what direction we will be going, but we will go and it will be magnificent.
7. Arrgg.