Crystal Gazing

I find this to be unfathomable. It’s hard to swallow this. I thought I had some good friends. And as I would expect, it turns out I don’t. Why do I think this? Well, lets start with what today is for me. It’s the one day of the year where no matter how hard I try, no matter how many pills I take, I can’t escape my mind. I can’t escape the fact that it is a day that I hate now. Had I not been the insane person that I am, then it would be my 3rd anniversary. But, I am crazy. I no longer consider that to be a debatable statement. I have tried to change those problems and in doing so, I have made great strides and will continue to better myself.

But alas, that is only part of the problem. It’s the lack of support that I have gotten from ANY of my friends that bothers me the most. Well, the people I thought were my friends. It’s weak. VERY. And obviously I’m not too pleased about it. I give and give and give, and I get nothing, ZERO nothing, in return. That is weak. That is lame and that’s what I get for expecting people to hold the same values and morals that I do. I always try to be a better person, setting the expectations and examples for my friends. I am always there for them, regardless of time or place. I answer my phone (unless I’m in the shower). I am will to go the extra mile to help the core of people I care about. And I don’t feel the same in return. That’s my problem and I will deal with it accordingly.

And thusly I resolve the following:
1) I’m cleaning house of those who aren’t worthy.
2) I will continue to better myself mentally to further move past some of the issues I have.
3) I will increase my inner strength even further. Without it, I will falter. With it I am a better man.
4) I’m going to rehab my knee further and get myself to the point where I am healthy and back where I belong … on the pitch.
5) I’m moving on from relationships that are _NOT_ going anywhere.
6) I’m finish my tattoo work with Jason. I don’t know what direction we will be going, but we will go and it will be magnificent.
7) Arrgg.

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