Misery +2

I had a series of interesting conversations with some co-workers today, including my Jason, about a very troubling (for me) topic. I have given this one thought for some time now, not realizing how troubling it was to get out. Given the knee surgery last week, I did have some time on my hands to really search out feelings on this. On top of this, on a more conscience level, was the debacle that was Friday night … So, that idea is this :

I feel like I’d been better off having had stayed with my ex-wife and continued to be miserable then being alone and miserable like I am now.

Now, for those 2 of you who may actually know me, how strange is that? I’m actually suggesting that I’d be better off if I had not gotten divorced then being single as I sit right now. I really haven’t dated much since the divorce 2.5 years ago, having barely had one (1) real relationship. And that one was predicated on getting drunk and having sex (usually bad sex due to my participation). I did have some sort of feelings for her (nicknamed “23”), but as you would expect, she left me because all I ever wanted to do wanted to do was drink and have sex. I didn’t really care about her life, her friends or her anything.

I know, ultimately, that wasn’t fair to “23”, as it wasn’t fair to my ex-wife that I was the way I was (I use the word crazy as a loose term here). I know it also wasn’t fair that my ex-wife was a complete bitch, but that in and of itself is another blog (bitch!).