Black Tuesday 8.21.08

Today is Black Tuesday, the one year anniversary of Brandy Rai’s death. I took the day off and spent it doing normal things, trying to stay distracted from the reality of knowing I don’t have him with me, that I won’t have him again till I’m gone.

There were 2 parts that are particularly hard for me. The 1st I have already been through and that is a pair of songs that I have a hard enough time with normally (both Dream Theater, Disappear & I Walk Beside You). Whenever I hear those songs I fall apart, so today makes it doubly worse. I listened to them both today as I did on his birthday, and did my best to not die.

The 2nd part is when I sit down with his ashes tonight privately and talk with him, a special thing that I have done with him. That, will likely break me.

Don’t get me wrong, I miss him every day, all day, with no exceptions. I have made it one year and I didn’t think I could. I don’t think I can make it another year.