He said, “When people lose everything and they have nothing left to lose, they lose it”
Some time ago, the great Gerald Celente made a comment on a radio show that I was listening to.
It has stuck with me since then, often a goto quote. It was something of great importance, it left an indelible mark on me. Or scarred. Deeply.
We all search for meaning, for truth. We all want to be something, sometimes we can but yet often times we aren’t. And you have to own it. Don’t give up.
Sometimes it’s apathy, sometimes it’s apathy. Oh, wait, that last one should have been ignorance, my bad.
I’ve hit that wall. The one where I feel like everything has been ripped away from me, taken without just cause or a cause explained to me. Interesting.
I’ve written about all that I have lost for a long time now. I stumble forward a step and things seem to be going great. Then kaboom. And then another kaboom. And another.
This seemingly neverending shit show of failure and trying to cope with it never really goes away. It’s shit breaking time and time again, over and over and over.
I am not religious, but I have to believe that if there were a God that I must have pissed said entity off REALLY big time. Like shitting in God’s Cheerios.
You get to a point where you right on your bathroom mirror something inspirational, like “Don’t Let Them Break You” or “Never Give In”.
I don’t know what I did to get the ass-kicking I get, it would be rather silly. I’m sure God would tell me itself. Again, I don’t believe in that stuff.
So this isn’t a challenge towards anyone, nor anything, aside from myself and the core that seems at odds of good and evil, right and wrong.
At some point in the future, there’ll be a cross between the shit I can take and the shit I will not accept. 50/50, is one thing but anything higher is just mean.
I don’t expect you to understand this, you probably aren’t high enough to really grab onto this idea. My friends certainly aren’t following regardless of how specific I am.
People deal with loss in whatever mechanism they have available to them. Often it’s drugs and alcohol. Or for me, just more drugs and alcohol. It is what it is.
We all have our shit. That will never change. Some of us wear heavier chains that pull us down, sometimes knowing why and often not.
I have tried to ease some of the pain with the tattoo work that I have, all 325+ hours of it. I kept hoping that the pain would be washed away, washing away for it all.
I don’t know the answers to our own personal great questions. I can tell you that mine is “What’s with me and the Lose shit?”. I’m about to lose it, sadly. Lose it I may.
But it’s not likely going to be the case. It doesn’t matter what you do, you can never win. Reminds me of Grandma’s Boy.
Check out the Youtube video for Fischerspooner – Never Win.
I don’t need to need you
Tell me what to do, tell me what to say
Don’t you wanna help me?
Tell me what to do, help me find a wayIf I was not me
I would hate me too just like you do
I don’t need to need you
Tell me what to do, tell me what to sayIt’s all made worse by a simple scheme
You’re slipping away from me
Can’t decide sometimes if it’s worth the point
The point is the struggle, insecurityHopefully, you make no mistake
If you learn from what you’ve got to take
Good or bad, it’s all gonna add up in the end
But you can never winI don’t need to need you
Tell me what to do, tell me what to say
Don’t you wanna help me?
Tell me what to do, help me find a wayIf I was not me
I would hate me too just like you do
I don’t need to need you
Tell me what to do, tell me what to sayAnd it’s the desperation to hold on to
Something that can’t be held on to
So don’t waste your time filling up my words
Don’t tell me why, assume the worstHopefully, you make no mistake
If you learn from what you’ve got to take
Good or bad, it’s all gonna add up in the end
But you can never winDon’t thank me, don’t tell me how
Don’t break me down, don’t help me make it
Don’t thank me, don’t tell me how
Don’t break me down, don’t help me make itDon’t thank me, don’t tell me how
Don’t break me down, don’t help me make itI don’t need to need you
Tell me what to do, tell me what to say
Don’t you wanna help me?
Tell me what to do, help me find a wayI don’t need to need you
Tell me what to do, tell me what to say
Don’t you wanna help me?
Tell me what to do, help me find a way
