Admit it, you ain’t it. I’ve heard that from a gal or two in the past. It never hurt more than one amazing human, and she knows who she is. And you ain’t her.
It seems like this is another appropriate song that fulfills yet another aspect of my life, my interactions with others.
While this is someone that I’ve known for close to 10 years, it doesn’t hurt less when that dagger pierces my ribs. That admission that I ain’t that guy.
And yes, she’d argue till Tuesday on my liberal use of the vernacular, but it does not change that I have never been, nor will I ever be, that guy. The guy.
And like this amazingly crafted Sister Machine Gun track for an incredibly underrated album (see my SMG history), this song holds a weight that tips the scales against me.
I’ll admit that this is the first album from Sister Machine Gun that I heard and I will say that it is likely the main reason I reference it more than any of the other ones.
It is the summation of that relationship, one that turned a corner into friendship and humanity, humility. The person I hurt, the person that hurt me, I admit, is gone.
We sat together recently as two friends and were able to share great conversation, great wine, fantastic cooking, and some amazing company.
In my mind, it was the fact that we could admit that those bad times were gone and that there was more to friendship than one would know.
And isn’t that the juxtaposition of grown-ass humans? People can have shared a past that was rocky or something, but grow that into something amazing as friends.
And that escaped me for MANY years with MANY people. I had to understand how I was wrong (another song to come I’m sure) and try to grasp what was needed to grow.
You’d be surprised how easy it can be to admit to your mistakes, but how hard it is to own your own shit. Life lesson… don’t own it if you can’t own it.
Once you get past the ability to own it, you are freed up. Or should be. I made a mistake, I am honest in that I made a mistake, and I step forward to acknowledge it.
Get yourself set in knowing that you are not even close to what you believe who you are, not until you can openly and freely admit that you are a fallible human.
And that brings us back to me. I admit I’m not that guy. I admit I’m never gonna be that guy. But I’m this guy, but I admit I am wrong (to come) because I can admit it.
Check out the Youtube video for Sister Machine Gun – Admit .
If I could make through tonight
That would be alright with me
‘Cause I’ll deny anything I said
That lets you know that I’m not dead
Why can’t you see
Why can’t you see that the truth lies inside of me?
And all the things that I can’t be
And everything I never knew revolves around the fact that
You don’t need me anymore I know
I guess I’ll have to let you go
I’ll let you go nowI’ll admit I lie awake at night
And I’ll admit that I haven’t got that right
And I’ll admit that I got nothing left to do
But I won’t admit to needing you
I’ll never say that’s true, not to youI can see that you don’t care
‘Cause I can see your staring on
That is killing me
And if I had a choice I wouldn’t listen to your voice
And everything is is it wouldn’t have to be
I wish that I could change the past so it doesn’t leave so fast
And I would be a different man and do the things I think I can
To wash away the traces of your face that whisper through my mind
And leave me hanging on inside the broken world of mine
