Sinking, FUCK Clown World |2022

This is sinking. Another year, another milestone of disappointment that has led to a level of sadness that makes me feel like I am sinking deeper and deeper.

This time, this time, it’s a magical charm with no luck. No, this is an agonizing defeat when there should have been a victory. This is a level of anger and depression that are parallel.

I feel faint
My heart is beating like a drum, and I can’t think of anything but sinking
My knees are weak
My head is pounding from a sound that life can stop without blinking
I’m sinking
I’m sinking down

Oh goodness, Big Elf, The Evils of Rock & Roll, just kills it there. What a trip they are, goodness, a great show.

I can’t express how angry and disappointed I am, yet I try not to sound incredibly selfish. Yeah, that coming from this guy is a big statement.

I understand that, and I get it. Everybody’s got their own shit; my shit is just as different and unique as everybody else’s shit.

I am the center of my universe; I care about myself and my cats. Fuck everyone except the inner circle, Ms. J, Mrs. B, Debo, the Reverend, and savior sister.

I can not express how angry I am, and I shouldn’t be because I expect NOTHING from the clown world except bullshit like this. There, I said it.

Some people don’t know or understand how somebody can live and exist and not be Happy. I take enough medication that I should be both happy and sad simultaneously, and if you read this blog, you’ll know that I believe the two things can be true simultaneously.

Fuck you, the horse you rode in on, and everything you are, were, or ever will be. That’s how frustrated I am with humanity. Fucking sinking deeper and deeper.

But wait! Why are you sinking? Why are you feeling this way? Serial? God damn bots. But wait, this is in my wheelhouse. I am perpetually in motion; shit, I know I’ve written that before.

Anger isn’t anger; it’s something else. It’s a paradox of feelings and emotions. It’s not a gift, nor is it a burden. It’s, it is just “something that is“.

So what’s the big talking deal? Well, The day in question was a milestone for me, and I spent a lot of time preparing for the day. More accurately, for that night.

And when I talk about happiness versus sadness, I have that sadness in my mind and my heart because I have lost, like so many people have lost, things that I have loved and cherished to the degree that most people will never understand, just like I’ll never understand how their emotions work.

And this is a special day that comes just once a year. And then there are special days that come just once in a lifetime. Milestones. It is sinking me down, milestones.

It’s not a cat-related thing (IKR?), It’s not a holiday kind of thing although it should be, it’s a day that means a lot to me, and sometimes it means a lot to you.

No, I know the Infinite Sadness. I know it because I am a part of it. I feel very emotionally cold and dark; I’m no longer a planet. Yup, Pluto reference. It should be a planet; that’s how I was raised 😉

There is nothing quite like the feeling of being kicked or punched in your family jewels by humanity. By all accounts, I’d suggest that these people are subhuman. They are garbage.

Who? Disingenuous people lie/cheat/steal because they are worthless trash. Hustlers, scammers, scumbags. You should look that one up; just saying.

I find that I feel better, or less worse when I’m busy than when I have the opportunity to sit around and watch TV like a fucking sloth and do stuff for myself that’s materialistic.

As time goes on, as it moves around us and past us, leaving us with nothing but potential memories that will be tainted and faded by time itself, I can’t help to wonder.

If you guessed that not only am I feeling like I’m sinking into a shithole here in clown world, you are only half right. If you figured out that there is another message, you are more right.

And if you have no idea about any of this, you are a bot or a dolt; take your pick. I don’t care; you be you. Apathy is a mother fucker. Can you dig it, sucka?