The Excellence of Failure, oh how the Hitman would be jealous of this tagline. Ya, see fucking everything up you touch is an art, a skill. And I’m closing in on being a master.
Just to set the tone here, it’s funny that I’m writing this, let alone sharing it with the interwebs. And not because I feel it’s a secret.
This is how I feel about being an adult because I do not feel I’m very good at it. So there, I said it.
Inevitably I will fuck everything up, not from negligence or malfeasance, hell, not even from sheer ignorance or stupidity. But, nope, I’m just that guy.
Over the last 25+ years at various jobs, if someone wanted to find a way to break things, they’d ask kastle. No, not hacking, just breaking it. I was using it in stupid ways.
And that’s not even my job, my forte. I’m an engineer/sysadmin, not some sort of testing person. But alas, need something broken? I’m your human. Time, time, and time again.
And what’s worse is this shit goes on in my daily life. Want to see how something works? Inadvertently break it. Wanna know how you have to fix it now that you broke it? Hello, world.
And to think, none of that is about the title of this post, the Excellence of Failure. Cause that’s about how screwed up, I am as a person, let alone as a process.
I feel like I’m the kind of person that fails so much and makes so many messes out of things, be it in life or work, that I am inevitably a fuckup.
I haven’t actually fucked something up, per se. It’s just that I do it frequently enough that I want to say that it’s more in line with again and again.
I’m failing upwards, but not in a management role. That’s right, I said it.
I said what most people in the corporate world know to be accurate, fuckups or idiots get promoted at a higher rate than usual for one little reason.
It’s easier to backfill a fork & spoon operator than to get a manager who works for beans to come in and deal with your busted ass shit. Troof.
I am some sort of failure that progresses upwards, time and again. Not sure how.
But yet, I seemingly do succeed at being a failure.
- [✓] Relationships?
- [✓] Finances?
- [✓] Jobs?
- [✓] Knees?
- [✓] Sobriety?
- [θ] Cats?
Hmm, I’m starting to see a pattern. Then again, if you’ve read anything I’ve written, you’d already know this isn’t just a pattern. It is part of my existing.
In every pattern, in every evolution of thought that I have, I am the fuck up in all of it. Simple things evade me, my abilities. Typically that’s a physical fault.
And I’ll admit, my tremors are a part of the issue regarding physical hands-on stuff, and I have no excuses for that. Well, maybe the concussions, but I’m trying to be an adult here (for once).
And that’s what makes me good at what I do in that I’m not trying to be a failure at things. I don’t mean to be good at it. I’m just good at failing forwards.
When you have a proclivity to break things, it’s often because you, yourself, are broken. And honestly, I have felt broken inside for a long, long time.
And that is the Excellence of Failure. Being good at being a long-term screw-up, with positive intent, no less. Correct, positive intent.
I’ve written too many times about that subject, serach examples for failure or fuck up as a start.
It goes to show that the story arc never really goes away. They remain even if you think you’ve answered or atoned for it.
I should write more about Sapphire. Just kidding, although I did think about it and decided not to.
As noted at the beginning of this post, I find it funny yet sad that I feel the way I do about being a failure. And that is no matter how much I talk about it to friends and my cats.
They all care about the same. Lol. It’s hard work to live and try not to screw things up while knowing you will because that’s what you do.
Never with malintent, never with malice. Always with positive intent. It’s not all doom and gloom for most. And then there are folks like me, knowing that they will be a failure.
We’re good at it. In fact, watch the movie Our Idiot Brother with Paul Rudd. Excellent movie.
From time to time, I feel like the main character, “Ned.” I’m nowhere near as dumb, but a failure of epic proportions.
I will end with this statement, as a quote from myself;
Failing upwards, always failing upwards even when I’m falling down the stairs.
